A blonde was walking to her friend’s house. There were 3 boys playing nearby. Seeing the blonde, they stopped her and said “Can you please climb up this tree and get our kite? We tried and failed!”

The blonde says “Sure” and quickly climbs the tree… but doesn’t see the kite anywhere.

She climbs back down and tells the kids, to which they act disappointed but thank her for looking.

She gets to her friend’s house and tells her what just happened.

Friend : “You are so dumb! They tricked you! They just wanted to see your panties!!”

Blonde: “Ha! The trick’s on them! I wasn’t wearing any!”

“””””

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are – my – test – results – back?”

“””””

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A teacher explained biology to her 3rd-grade students. She said, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter.” A little girl raised her hand saying, “I had a kitty-cat that stuttered.”

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” she began, “I was in the backyard with my kitty when the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it,

he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

The teacher exclaimed, “That must’ve been scary.”

The little girl said, “It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss and before she could say ‘Shit,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”

“””””

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One day, 50 politicians were flying across the country in an airplane when the plane started to experience mechanical problems. The plane crashed in a remote rural area. It took an hour for the first police car to arrive at the scene.

There was an old farmer was sitting on his tractor beside the wreckage. The police man got out of his car and looked inside the smashed fuselage. To his surprise, it was completely empty. He asked the farmer, “Where are all of the politicians who were on the plane?”

The farmer replied, “I dug a big hole with my tractor and buried them.”
The police man asked, “How could you be sure they were all dead?”

The old farmer said, “Well, some of them insisted they were still alive, but you know, you can never believe anything a politician says.”

“””””

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