Archive for November, 2008
A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”
……………..
Decrease stress and stress related weight gain with Stress-Reduction.us ! Get Stress Relief today!
November 30th, 2008
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”
……………..
Eliminate un-wanted body hair easy and painless with Hair-Removal-Cream.com ! Get Hair Removal Cream today!
November 29th, 2008
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
“That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits,” he said. “Why don’t you take your blouse off and we’ll see what he does?”
At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra.
The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.
“Hey,” the husband said, “let’s really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we’ll see what he does.”
Again she said no and again he persuaded her.
This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.
The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. “Now,” said the husband with an evil smile, “tell HIM you have a headache!”
……………..
Support healthy colon functions with IBS-Relief.biz ! Get IBS Supplement today!
November 28th, 2008
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We would. But we need the eggs.”
……………..
Get Amazon.com Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
November 27th, 2008
A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.
In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.
After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, “Do you want them mounted?”
Blushing, she said, “No. holding hands will be fine.”
……………..
Buy Hoodia at Weight-Loss-Pill.org ! Get Hoodia Supplements today!
November 26th, 2008
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
……………..
Get some Diabetic Supplements at Diabetic-Products.biz!
November 25th, 2008
Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?
Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.
Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.
Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?
Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.
……………..
Get some menopause relief at Menopause-Relief.us!
November 24th, 2008
A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, “Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.” The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”
……………..
Get HP.com Coupons at JuicyCoupons.com to save money online !
November 23rd, 2008
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up shocked and sees this koala bear going down on her, and she decides that since it feels so good she’ll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him “Hey, you have to pay for that”.
The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, “Hey you have to pay for that. I’m a prostitute”. She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.
PROSTITUTE
(n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
KOALA
(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
……………..
Get rid of your stretch marks at Stretch-Mark.net ! Buy Stretch Mark Cream today!
November 22nd, 2008
I went to my doctor and told him “my penis is burning.” He said, “That means somebody is talking about it.” (Garry Shandling)
……………..
Get rid of cellulite at Cellulite-Reduction.biz ! Buy Cellulite Reduction today!
November 21st, 2008
Previous Posts
