Archive for January, 2009

Joke of the Day - Dropped your wallet

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.”

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Add comment January 31st, 2009

Joke of the Day - Fish cost a fortune

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

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Add comment January 30th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Two men camping

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, “This is the place!”.The other replied, “No, it’s not!”.The first man said, “Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.To which the other man replied, “Silly, you can’t tell a brook by it’s clover.”

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Add comment January 29th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Safe to swim here?

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” “Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ‘em.”

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Add comment January 28th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Hiring an accountant

Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”"Twenty-two,” Kowalski replied.After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn’t get the job.About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

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Add comment January 27th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Did you pay taxes?

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”"Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.”

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Add comment January 26th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Accountant and farmer

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, “869.” The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, “Okay, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away.”Wait,” cries the shepherd, “let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” The man agrees.”You are an accountant for the government,” says the shepherd.”Amazing!” responds the man. “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?”"Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”

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Add comment January 25th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Counting some sheep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” complains the man.”Have you tried counting sheep?” inquired the doctor.The accountant replied, “That’s the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!”

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Add comment January 24th, 2009

Joke of the Day - Where does he work?

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.” “That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.” “Thank you, Amy” said the teacher. “What does your parent do, Billy?” Billy proudly stood up and announced, “Nothing. He’s an economist.”

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Add comment January 23rd, 2009

Joke of the Day - blonde and car

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.The brunette suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.”"That doesn’t matter at all,” replied the blonde. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.”"Alright,” replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.”The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette’s advice.About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, “Did you sell your car?”"No!” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

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Add comment January 22nd, 2009

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