“If you do not mind me saying,” said the second, “that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?”

“I can not”, lamented the first Arab. “It is permanently stuck in my butt.”

“I do not understand,” said the other. The first Arab says, “I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in red, white and blue attire, with a white beard and top hat came oozing out. He said, ‘I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.’”

“I said, “No shit.”

……………..

3 Simple Steps to Younger Looking Skin for Men and Women at Anti-Wrinkle.biz ! Get Anti-Wrinkle today!

The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.”

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, “Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.”

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this mess. I gotta go home and scare the cat.”

……………..

Advanced Trim ingredients are clinically proven to help you lose weight. Get more info at AdvancedTrim.com

“Make it a whisky,” said the man who promptly throws it down in one gulp.

“That will be three dollars,” said the bartender.

“Says you!” said the man. “You offered to get me something. I thought you were paying.”

“Get out,” said the bartender. “You’re banned. I don’t need your business.”

Anyway, two years later, the same man went back to the same bar with the same bartender.

The bartender looked at him and said, “You’re the jerk who tried to con a drink out of me, aren’t you?”

“Excuse me, but I have no idea what you are talking about,” said the customer. “I’ve never been to this bar before in my life!”

“Sorry. My mistake,” said the bartender. “You must have a double.”

“Hey thanks, dude!” said the customer. “Make it a whisky.”

……………..

Get bargains at BargainRampage.com and save on electronics.

“Because you’re not wearing a tie,” says the bouncer.

“But I have come all the way from the other end of town,” says the guy.

“Sorry mate, that’s the rules,” says the bouncer.

So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club.

“Is this all right?” he asks the bouncer.

“Well, all right then,” replies the bouncer. “But I’ll be watching you - don’t start anything!”

……………..

Check out 123webpharmacy.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Web Pharmacy.

“Sir,” says the cop. “You were going 60 in a 50 miles per hr speed zone.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were,” says the wife.

“Keep quiet!” says the man, angrily.

“And you weren’t wearing a seatbelt,” says the cop.

“Yes I was.”

“No, you weren’t,” says the wife.

“SHUT UP!” says the man, really angry.

“Ma’am,” asks the cop, “is he always this rude and violent?”

“Only when he’s DRUNK.”

……………..

Check out Plumper-Lips.net for juicy lips ! Get Plumper Lips today!

Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”

The drunk says “When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now.”

……………..

Get rid of your stretch marks at Stretch-Mark.net ! Buy Stretch Mark Cream today!

The Officer told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn’t give him a ticket.

The driver told the Officer that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The Officer told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Officer got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Officer observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there’s no way in hell I can pass that test.”

……………..

Get rid of cellulite at Cellulite-Reduction.biz ! Buy Cellulite Reduction today!

The first one brags, “I married me a good woman from North Dakota.I told her that she was to do all the cleaning, cooking and laundry.

The first day we was married, she did the cleaning. The second day we was married, she was doing the cleaning and cooking.

By the third day we was married, she cooked, cleaned and had all the laundry done. She’s been doing everything ever since! That’s those good women from North Dakota.”

The second guy brags, “I married me a good woman from Wisconsin. I told her that she was to do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, yard work and keep me and my friends happy.

The first day I saw she could cook and clean.

The second day I saw she could cook, clean, do the laundry and take care of the lawn.

The third day I saw she cooked a five course meal, cleaned the house, did the laundry, weed wacked and edged the lawn, and she brought me and my friends beers! Thats those good women from Wisconsin.”

The third guy remained silent for awhile and then spoke up, “I married me a woman from Minnesota.
I told her my home is my castle and I am the king and ruler and what I say goes!

The first day, I didn’t see anything. The second day, I couldn’t see anything either.

By the third day, the swelling was going down in my left eye and I could see out a little bit.”

……………..

Get rid of Acne at Acne-Control.biz ! Buy Acne Control today!

“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.”

“One penny!” exclaimed the guy.

The barman replied, “Yes.”

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?”

“Certainly sir,” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money.”

“How much money?” inquires the guy.

“4 cents”, the bartender replies.

“Four cents!” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the man who owns this place?”

The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife.”

The guy says, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

The bartender replies, “Same thing I’m doing to his business.”

……………..

Want to stop smoking? Check out Quit-Smoking-Patch.net! Buy the Quit Smoking Patch today !

The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! He downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go…

Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go of the last dart.

Three bulls eyes!!!

All are astounded. No one has ever won before. The bartender searches for a prize… grabs a turtle from the bar’s terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.

Three weeks pass… The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again.

To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.

The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn’t know what to give, so he asks the drunk, “Say, what did you win the last time?”

And the drunk responds, “A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!”

……………..

Want a date? Check out 123Personals.com ! The best Online Personals !