A young woman named Kelly buys a mirror at an antique shop from a gypsy, and hangs it on her bathroom door.

One evening, while getting undressed, Kelly playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, give me a Beautiful Giant Bubble Ass“.

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her ass grow into a perfectly round firm butt.

Excitedly, she runs and sceams at her husband “Look at my beautiful giant ass!” She then tells him what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

Again, there’s a bright flash … and his legs fall off.

“””””

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An atheist is hiking in the woods when suddenly a huge bear pops out from behind a bush.
Right as the bear is about to attack, time freezes and god appears.

God says, “you have spent your whole life as an atheist. But if you finally believe in me and become a Christian I will stop the bear from eating you.”

The man say, “that’s really nice of you, but I don’t really believe in a higher power.”
God: all you have to do is believe your eyes and accept me in your heart.

Man: that’s just to hard for me to do. I mean science has already answered how we came about through evolution. Not only that, but with all the bad things happening in the world right now, it’s just too difficult to believe that there is a god. I’m sorry but I just can’t do it.

God: are you sure? I will give you one more opportunity to believe in me.
Man: as I said, not thanks.

God: ok you have made your choice…

Man: wait… how about you make the bear a Christian instead? And then he will have morals.
God: very well.

After god left, time restarted. The bear suddenly stopped and the man started to believe that his plan to save himself had worked. The bear knelt down.

Bear: thank you god for this meal I am about to receive.

“””””

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful massive tits he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you $1,000, will you let me bite your boobs?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.

The man then asks if he can bite her breasts for $5,000. The woman still says no. The man asks for $10,000, $20,000 and $50,000 but the woman still refuses. He finally makes his last offer: $100,000. The woman, after hearing such a large amount of money, accepts to let the man bite her boob. They go into a small dark street and the woman takes her top off and shows her huge breasts.

The man plunges his head into the beautiful boobs and starts playing with them. The woman, starting to get impatient, says: “Are you going to bite it or what?” He then answers: “No, it’s too expensive”

“””””

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An older man driving an old beat up truck gets into a fender bender with CEO’s Ferrari.

The CEO gets out of the car, examines the damage and decides to bully the old man.

“Hey old geezer that damage is gonna cost $50k to fix. Either you give me the money or I’ll beat the shit out of you”.

The old man apologizes.

“I’m so sorry sir but I don’t have that kind of money. But I’ll tell you what, let me call my son. He maybe able to help me out. He trains dolphins.”

The old man calls his son and explains the situation then hands the phone to the CEO.

“Your father ran into my new Ferrari and if he doesn’t give me the money to fix it, I’m going to beat the shit out of him. ” said the CEO.

“Please don’t do that. I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” Replied the son.

10 minutes later two military vehicles pulled up, 6 large guys came out of them and beat the shit out of the CEO.

The son goes to his dad and says “Dad I don’t train dolphins. I train SEALS. Navy SEALS”.

“””””

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