10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide?
9. If you were a naval captain, would you let me inspect your seamen?

8. This bra is so tight its uncomfortable.

7. You must know a good rain dance, cuz youre making me wet.

6. Excuse me my lipstick rolled underneath your seat, mind if I get under you?

5. I was thinking of volunteering at the fire department, could I practice sliding down your pole?

4. How many licks does it take to get to the center of your tootsie pop?

3. Stick it in!!

2. Either I just spilled my drink in my lap or Im really happy to see you.

1. Your face reminds me of a La-Z –Boy, I could sit on it all day long!

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A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more.

On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, Why the sudden change of attitude about math — do the nuns punish you? The girl replied, No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!

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Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three don’t exist.

Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn’t the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, “No”.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, “My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.”

“Why didn’t you give this seat away to a friend?” I asked.

He replied, “Because they are all at her funeral.”

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