An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some tests. When the results come in, the doctor calls the old man in and says, You’d better sit down. It’s pretty bad.
The old man, naturally, gets all nervous and asks, What is it, Doc? Don’t hold back — just give it to me straight.

Well, says the doctor, you have cancer and you have Alzheimers.

The man replies, Wow. Well, at least I don’t have cancer.

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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.The cowboy said, “Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.”

She replied, “I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.

The cowboy said, “Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”
She said, “You tell him. He is the one shaving you.”

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A little girl got on her grandpa’s lap and said, “Did God make me?”
“Yes,” the grandpa replied.

“Did God make you too?”

“Yes,” the grandpa said.

“Well,” the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, “He sure is doing a better job nowadays!”

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