Joke of the Day – Johnny & the bus driver

Little Johnny has a speech impediment. His father taught to him to always be polite to people.

The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, remembering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, “Doog moaning buth driber,”

The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him to the back of the bus.

This goes on for four days.
Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, “Fatter you tell me to be pollite, but when I do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith.”

His father says, “Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you.”

The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnnys father says, “Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite.”

Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.

His father says, “Go on Johnny.”

So Johnny, wanting to be as polite as possible says, “Doog moaning buth driber.”

With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Johnny father grabs the drivers hand.

He asks, “Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?”

The bus driver says, “Betause heeth making fun of me”

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Joke of the Day – Final examination

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

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Joke of the Day – Sugar free

One day a blonde went to a store and saw Donuts that were sugar free. So she grabbed them and walked out of the store without paying.

Security stopped her and asked, “Excuse me miss, but what do you think you are doing?”

She said ” Duhuh…Im taking the free Sugar donuts!”

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Joke of the Day – Football game

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was,’Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’

I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!

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