Joke of the Day – A Day at the Zoo

It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. Now try lifting your dress up your thighs…this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy. Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, “Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”

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Joke of the Day – grocery shopping

Two old maids were grocery shopping. The sign said `Bananas – 3 for 50 cents. So they put two in the shopping cart. One said to the other, “How much will that be apiece?” The other one said, ” That would be fifty cents divided by three, multiplied by two, then divided by two – whatever that comes to.” So the first old maid said, ” Heck, just get three. That’ll be a quarter apiece and we can eat the other one.

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Joke of the Day – Let’s Swap Positions

“Darling” says a husband coyly to his wife: “let’s swap positions tonight”. “What a good idea” she replies, “you stand in front of the ironing board, and I’ll sit in front of the TV and fart”.

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Joke of the Day – Men Jokes

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.