Joke of the Day – One Wish

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks whats in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9 inches high and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful Piece by Mozart!

Where on earth did you get that? says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, Here. Rub it.

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly theres a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

I will grant you one wish.. Just one wish…. each person is only allowed one!

The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, I want A million bucks!

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they just keep coming, duck after duck after duck!

The bartender turns to the man and says, Yknow, I think your Genies a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million Ducks.

No shit! says the man, do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?

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Joke of the Day – Three Guys Comparing Drunk Stories

Three guys compare their stories of how drunk they were the night before. The first guy says, I was so drunk, I went home and beat my wife.

The second guy says, That is nothing, I went home, knocked over a candle, and burned my house down.

The third guys says, Now THAT is nothing. I went home and blew chunks.

The other two guys say, So what? That isnt bad at all.

The third guy responds, I dont think you understand. Chunks is my dog.

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Joke of the Day – Free Tattoo

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick. Well the tattoo artist laughs and says Ill do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it.

The guy thinks for a second and says. Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a 100.

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Joke of the Day – The New Pastor

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote Revelation 3:20 on the back and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20 begins Behold, I stand at the door and knock.)

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10. Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. (Genesis 3:10 reads, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.)

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