A guy walks into a bar and orders a bunch of shots. The bartender says “You celebrating something?” The guy says “My first blowjob.” The bartender replied “Good for you!” When the man was done, the bartender says “That must have been some blow job. You need anything else?” The guy said “No if 12 shots of whiskey doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will.”
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Top Ten Reasons Why Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex:

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

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An Irishman was coming out of a pub one night after a few Guinesses. When he walked out the door, he was accosted by a masked gunman who said “Are you a Catholic or are you Protestant? The Irishman didn’t know how to answer, because the thought to himself “If I say Catholic, I could get killed, and if I say I’m Protestant, I could get killed.” So, quickly he answered “I’m Jewish.” The gunman replied “Well aren’t I the luckiest Arab in Ireland!!!”
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There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of water.” The bartender says, “Why do you want a shot of water?” The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, “Tea time.”
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