A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. Hes riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.

Its after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. Taxi

He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.

They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed – and there his wife lays in bed with another man!

Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked mans head. Just then, his wife yells Dont do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!….

* HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
* HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
* HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
* HE paid for our our lakehouse and boat.
* HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!

Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks What should I do?

The taxi driver replies, Id cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.

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A woman is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, What horrible luck! What in the world should I do now?

A gentleman next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, I dont know…. Why dont you play your age?

He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

He asks, What happened? Is she all right?

The operator replies, I dont know, buddy….. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!

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Dr. Smith recently got his doctorate in psychology and his first assignment was to visit the community loony bin retirement home for the patients monthly mental examination.

He sees his first patient and asks him, Ralph, how much is six times six? Ralph responds 74. He asks the next resident, Tim, how much is six times six? Tom responds, Thursday. Expecting more of the same, he approaches Randy and asks him, Randy, how much is six times? THIRTY-SIX replies Randy. Thats right Randy, well done! Now tell me how did you know that answer? Oh it was easy…. I just subtracted 74 from Thursday!

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An older blonde woman heard through a friend that taking a milk bath is good for the skin, will cure stretch marks and make her beautiful again. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk instead of the usual amount.

When the milkman arrived, and read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point. The woman came to the door, and the milkman said, Yes ma’am, I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?

The blonde said, I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.

The milkman asked,Do you want it Pasteurized?

The blonde replied, Nope, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes.

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