One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn’t care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks “Sir, what’s under the newspaper?”

The man replies with “it’s a birdy and never ever touch it.”

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he’s in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said “well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it’s neck, stepped on it’s eggs, and burned it’s nest.”

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”. The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

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The teacher walks into the room and says… “OK class todays word is DEFINITLY, can anyone use the word in a sentence.”

Little Susie stands up and say “The sky is DEFINITLY blue.”

The teacher says; “Not necisarrily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try.”

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says ” Yes Johnny, What is it?”

Johnny says ” I have a question.”

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says “Do Farts have lumps?”

The teacher says, “Well no they don’t.”

Little Johnny says “Well then I DEFINITLY just shit my pants!!!”

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There are three moms. .

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says “Oh my gosh y’all I went through my daughter’s purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed”

They comfort her, and the redhead says “Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter’s purse. I cannot believe she has one”. So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says “That’s nothing. I found a condom in my daughter’s purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis”

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