The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout “Up and Over” at each jump.

The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.

The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted “Up and Over” at each jump. So… won the race.

The trainer asked him, “What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?”

The jockey replied, “No, the horse must be deaf.”

“No way!!!” the trainer insisted. “Blind, yes….but not deaf…”

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A passenger plane is about to crash – the pilot announces there’s no hope. A militant feminist stands up and says, “If I’m going to die I want to die happy.”

She takes all her clothes off and shouts, “Is there any man here who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A guy stands up and takes his shirt off and says “Yeah — iron that.”

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A lady’s sick of her husband’s drinking, so she decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and when her husband walks in from being out all night, she jumps out from behind the sofa and screams. He says, “You don’t scare me. I’m married to your sister.”

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There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the wedding night. Finally when it came the wife took off all of her clothes and went under the covers while her husband took off his clothes one by one. First he took off his socks and his toes were messed up. His wife says “what happened to your toes?” He says “I had toelio”. She says “you mean Polio”, but he said, “no, toelio”. Then he takes off his pants and the wife sees that his knees are all banged up and weird. The wife says “what happened to your knees?” He says “I had Kneaseles”. And she says “you mean Measles” and he says “no, Kneaseles”. Finally he took off his underwear and she says “Let me guess…small cox?”

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