Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, “Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?”

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So my wife called him a dick-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus.

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Gary and Janice are both mental patients. One day Gary jumps into the swimming pool but, doesn’t come up for air. Quick as a flash, Janice sees her friend in trouble, so dives in and pulls him out.

Later, the hospital director calls Janice into his office and sayes ‘Janice, Ive got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, we are releasing you as you are obviously sane ‘saving anothers life’. But unfortunately, the bad news is that Gary hanged himself in the bathroom …’

‘Oh no’ Janice replies, ‘that’s where I put him to dry !’

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Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.

“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.

“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said Paddy.

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This woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.

She said to him, “Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?”

The doctor replies, “Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!”

She says, “WOW that’s amazing, um… when do I do it?”

The doctor says, “Next time your ordered food.”

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