William is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

William: What’s the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

William: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. Confess were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

William: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

William: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

William: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

——-

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny,Tony?”

“I just saw one of your garters!”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Ken?”

“I just saw both of your garters!”

Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.

“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”

“““““

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Jimmy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Jimmy manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him.

After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Jimmy to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Jimmy jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Jimmy yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know.” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father”

——-

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A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door.”

“““““

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