A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free back to school shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Oklahoma jersey and says to his older sister, “I’ve decided to become a Sooner fan and I would like to wear this to school”.

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, “Go talk to mother”.

Off goes the little lad with the Oklahoma jersey in hand and finds his mother.

“Mom?”

“Yes son?”

“I’ve decided I’m going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey”.

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, “Go talk to your father!”

Off he goes with the Oklahoma Jersey in hand and finds his father.

“Dad?”

“Yes son?”

“I’ve decided I’m going to be an Oklahoma fan and I would like to buy this jersey”.

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT CRAP!”

About half an hour later they’re all back in the car and heading towards home.

The father turns to his son and says “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today?”

The son says, “Yes, Dad, I have.”

“Good son, what is it?”

To which the son replied, “I’ve only been a Oklahoma fan for an hour and I already hate you Texas bastards.”

“““““

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The Marine Drill Instructor noticed a new recruit and barked at him, ‘Get your ass over here ! What’s your name?”

“Steve,” the new recruit replied.

“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy bull-shit they’re teaching in boot camp today, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the sergeant scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my recruits by their last names only — Smith, Jones, Baker. I am to be referred to only as ‘Sergeant.’ Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir, Sergeant!”

“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”

The recruit sighed “Darling, My name is Steve Darling.”

“Okay, Steve, here’s what I want you to do …..”

“““““

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IN PRISON…You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
AT WORK….You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

IN PRISON…You get three meals a day.
AT WORK….You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON…You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK….You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

IN PRISON…A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK….You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON…You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK….You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON…You get your own toilet.
AT WORK….You have to share.

IN PRISON…They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK….You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON…All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK….You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON…You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK….You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON…There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK….They are called supervisors.

“““““

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Jason is getting ready for his date

He realizes he has no condoms left

So, he goes down to his local Pharmacy

Jason says I’ll need a 3 pack of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir?

Jason: Nah… She ain’t that ugly.

“““““

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