There were these twin sisters just turning 100 years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper, “The Daily Bugle”, told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin ladies.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAID, WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”, said the other.

“Now get a little closer together”, said the cameraman. Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE!” So they wiggled up close to each other.

“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little”, said the photographer. Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS HE’S JUST GONNA FOCUS!”

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”

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A man is at work one day when he notices that his coworker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative guy and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’

The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’

‘Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

(I always wondered how this trend got started.)

“““““

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This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks “I notice you’ve been watching that guy for some time now. Do you know him?”

“Yes” she replies. “He’s my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”

“That’s awesome” the husband replies. “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.”

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At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother. He says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your daddy a great big hug!”

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