Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog’s parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog??

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting..

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

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A Jewish Man, a French Man, and an Italian man re talking….

The Jewish man said, ‘Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat),we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!’

The Frenchman boasted, ‘Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!’

The Italian man said, ‘Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!’

The other two were stunned. The amazed Frenchman asked, ‘What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?’

The Italian said………… ‘I wiped my hands on the bedspread.’

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“A Chinese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yuan and walked out with $317.

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yuan, and was handed $287.

He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, “Fluctuations.”

The Chinese man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, “Fluc you Amelicans, too!”

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Joe was talking to his buddy.

“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”

His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a coupon that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!”

So, Joe did just that.

The next day his buddy asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”

“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, ‘I’ll see you in two hours!'”

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