A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
“In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.
However,” he pointed out, “there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah. Right.”
“““““
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, “All right. Get in.”
“““““
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A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new apartment.
“Want to do it?” the husband asked.
“Shhhh!” said his blushing bride. “These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will hear you! Next time, ask me in code – like, ‘Have you left the washing machine door open’ – instead.”
So, the following night, the husband asks: “I don’t suppose you left the washing machine door open, honey?”
“No,” she snapped back, “I definitely shut it.” Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: “I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all…”
“Don’t worry,” said the man. “It was only a small load so I did it by hand.”
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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 40th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two huge gators in it. ‘I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.’
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.
In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the tails of the gator come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the alligators are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, ‘I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?’ the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the microphone and says, ‘F*k That, I just want you to point me out the bastard who pushed me in!!!’
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