A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.

As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. “What’s in bag?”, the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, “It’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, “Good trade.”

——-

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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of dum blond jokes when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person… because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large… all in the name of humor.”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little fucker on your knee!”

“““““

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So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, ‘Come on mate, how about giving a bloke a break?’ He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!

So I called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t give a shit, my car was parked around the corner…

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Greg and Dan were returning from installing hardwood floors in a home several hours away from their shop when they were caught in a sudden snow storm.

They pulled into a farm yard, an attractive, middle aged lady answered the door, and they explained their plight and asked if they could spend the night.

“Of course,” she answered, However I am a recent widow and it would not be proper for you to stay in the house, but you can put down some hay and sleep on the floor in the wood barn out back.”

They left early the next morning, the storm had passed. Greg never thought anymore about the incident until nine months later when he got a letter from the widow’s attorney.

He confronted his partner Dan the next morning at their shop, Remember when we had to sleep on the floor in that barn during that storm last winter, you didn’t happen to visit the widow during the night and use my name instead of yours, did you?”

“Uh, actually I did,” Dan admitted looking a little sheepish, “I’m sorry, I should not have done that.”

“No problem,” Greg laughed, “She just died and left me the farm.”

——-

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