While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,”one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”

They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.

“The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

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Heartless things to say to a women in dressing rooms…

Look, if you’re that desperate to attract a man I’ll fix you up myself

I saw a dress just like that one at Kmart yesterday.

Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were a man…

Size 12? That’s a bit optimistic isn’t it?

Hi, I’m from Weightwatchers…

Isn’t it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?

I’m sorry, I owe you an apology. I’m store security and I followed you in here because I thought you’d stuffed six dresses, four skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it’s really all you.

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This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, Where are you going ?

He said, Im going to the doctor.

And she said, Why? Are you sick?

No, he said. Im going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, Where are you going?

She said, Im going to the doctor too.

He said, Why?

She said, If youre going to start using that rusty old thing again, Im going to get a tetanus shot.

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On little Larry’s first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in third grade!’

The teacher looked at little Larry’s records and told him to please take his seat.

Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, ‘I don’t belong here, I should be in the third grade!’

Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry’s problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.

The teacher suggested they try some biology questions… ‘What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?’ asked the teacher.

‘Legs!’ Larry immediately replied. “What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn’t?’ asked the teacher.

‘Pockets!’ said Larry.

The teacher looked at the principal, who said, ‘Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!’

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