A hippy with a bicycle that has a broken chain walks on the side of a road.

A man in a Porche pulls up next to him and offers him a ride.

They try to fit the hippy’s bike into the trunk of the man’s Porsche, but as it is a typical sports car, the trunk is too small for the bike.

Then the man has an idea. He says to the hippy, “I have some rope in my trunk, you can tie it to your bike and I’ll drive you along. If I’m going to fast, just honk the horn on your bike.” The hippy agrees to go along with it and they ride a few miles down the rode.

The man in the Porsche pulls up to a stop light next a man in a Lamborghini. They start revving their engine and a race is about to ensue. The light turns green and the man in the Porsche completely forgets about the hippy tied to his car and starts racing the Lamborghini.

They’re racing and start reaching 80, 90, 100 m.p.h. They pass a cop and when the cop calls the race in he says, “Dispatch you’ll never believe what I just saw.

I saw a Porsche and a Lamborghini racing down the road at 100 miles per hour, and a hippy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass them.”

——-

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Two women talk about their last night sex:

-So, how was your sex yesterday?

-It was crap…. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, then we fucked for 4 minutes and after two minutes he fell asleep. And how was yours?

-I had a wonderful evening yesterday. My husband came back home, then he took me out for a lovely romantic dinner. Then we had a relaxing stroll back home for an hour. Then we lit the candles and had a wonderful one-hour long foreplay. We had awesome sex for an hour and we also talked and cuddled for an hour afterwards. It was absolutely fantastic!

In the meantime, the husbands talk to each other:

-How was your sex yesterday? -It was crap…. I came back home to find that the power was down, so I took my old hag, out for something to eat. The food was very expensive and I didnt have much money so we had to come back home on foot. When we came back home, there was still no power so I had to light those fucking candles. I was so pissed off that I couldnt get a hard on for an hour, and later I wasnt able to fall asleep for ages. And how was yours?

-My evening was cool! I came back home, the food was already on the table. I ate until I was full, fucked my wife and went to sleep!

“““““

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Ray is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Dugly, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Dugly says, “I’ll give you $700 to drop that towel.

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Dugly.

After a few seconds, Dugly hands her $700 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Dugly the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $700 he owes me?”

“““““

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A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialled the employee’s cell phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?” “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?” “Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?” “No, he’s busy”, whispered the child. “Busy doing what?” “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” the whisper answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?” “A helicopter.” answered the whispering voice. “What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. “ME.!!:)

“““““
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