Teacher: “Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: “Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny’s crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems – that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom.”

Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day… Teacher: “Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita.”

Anita: “Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn’t have to walk so far to get bread and milk.” Teacher: “Very good Anita! Yes – Suzie!”

Suzie: “Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home.”

Teacher: “Excellent, thank-you Suzie! At this point, little Johnny’s hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: “Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home.”

Little Johnny: “Near my home, they are building a brothel.”

All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, “Hey, relax girls… it hasn’t opened yet!”

“““““

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A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, “Look, you have so much to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

“What are you doing here?” the captain asked.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she explained. “I get food and a trip to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” the captain said. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”

“““““

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The owner of a flooring store was dismayed when a brand new floor company own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS ON FLOORING’

He was even more horrified when another flooring store opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES ON WOOD FLOORS’

The store owner panicked, he was in business for 20 years and barely getting by anymore because of the recession.

Then he got a good idea. He put the biggest sign over his own store. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’

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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ~Steven Wright

Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing. ~Dutch Boyd

If you’re playing a poker game and look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you ~Paul Newman.

Trust everyone, but always cut the cards. ~Benny Binion

Chuck-E-Cheese, because it’s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.

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