Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was miserable and they hadn’t seen any deer all day. Finally they came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker.

After loosing a couple of hands, rookie threw down his cards and said “That does it! I am going out to get me a deer.”

Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck. The captain and the chief asked, “How did you get that?”

The rookie replied, “I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.” The captain then said, “I’ve had enough of this I am going to get my deer.” He came back a half hour later with a 6 point buck.

The chief asked, “How did you get that?” The captain then replied, I walked out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.

The chief not wanting to be out done said, “I’m out of here, I’m going to bag the biggest buck of the day.” He came back an hour later, all mangled up and bloody. The rookie and the captain asked, “What happened to you?”

The chief replied, “I walked out there five hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a TRAIN!

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Two whales were swimming together in the Pacific Ocean when they come across a whaling vessel.

One whale looks to the other and says “we should swim under it and blow our air out, and hopefully the boat will capsize!”

The second whale agrees, thinking that every whaler deserves a fate like that, so they swim under the boat, and exhale as hard as they can.

The boat tips over and all the men on board are stranded, floating I the water.

The first whale then says “we should eat these sailors so they don’t ever even have the chance to hunt another one of us again!”

The second whale, with a look of disgust on her face, replies “Look. I went ahead with the blowjob, but there is no WAY you’re going to get me to eat the seamen!”

^^^^^^

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God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden and asks him how things are going with him and Eve.

“Great!” Says Adam. “We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!”

God asks, “Speaking of Eve, where is she?”.

To that Adam Replies “Oh, she’s down at the beach washing up.”

God is furious. “WHAT? NOW I’LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!”

“““““

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Three salesmen are traveling together when their car breaks down. They walk to the nearest town and go into the bar. Over a couple of rounds of drinks, they explain their situation to the bartender who tells them,

“I have a bed in the back room. It’s just one bed, but it should be big enough for all three of you to stay for tonight.”

The three salesmen agree and continue drinking. At closing time, the bartender kicks all the other customers out and shows the salesmen to the room where the bed is. The three of them immediately pass out for the night.

The next morning, the man who slept on the left side of the bed says,

“Man, I had this incredible dream that I was getting a handjob from a beautiful woman!”

The man who slept on the right side of the bed says,

“Hey, I had a dream that I was getting a handjob from a beautiful woman as well!”

The man who slept in the middle says,

“I had a dream that I was skiing!”

“““““

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