Geno walks to work every day. Each way he passes a shoe store. Each time he can’t help himself but to stop, look in the window and admire a particular pair of Florsheim shoes.

He wants those shoes so much…it’s all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves every last penny to get the $300 he needs to buy the shoes.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.

Geno seizes this opportunity to wear his new Florsheim leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, “Sophia, are you wearing red panties tonight?”

Startled, Sophia replies, “Yes, Geno , I am wearing red panties tonight, but how do you know?”

Geno answers, “I see the reflection in my new $300 Florsheim leather shoes.” With a smile he moves on.

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, “Rosa , are you wearing white panties tonight?”

Rosa answers, “Yes, Geno, I do, but how do you know that?”

He replies, “I see the reflection in my new $300 Florsheim leather shoes.” With a coy laugh he moves on.

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played Geno asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red…

He states, ‘Carmela, my sweetheart, Please, please tell me you are wearing no panties tonight. Please, please, tell me this true!”

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, “Yes Geno , I am not wearing panties tonight…”

Geno gasps, “Thank God …I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Florsheim leather shoes!”

“““““

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3 Nuns die in a car crash and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter.”

The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter’s questions.

“Sister Anne,” he says, “who was the first man on earth?”

Sister Anne says “Oh that’s an easy one, Adam!”

-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.

“Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?”

Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims “Eve!”

-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.

“Sister Theresa…what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?”

Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can’t think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, “That’s a really hard one.”

-GONG-

——-

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A man gets pulled over for swerving.

The Police officer says to the driver, “Sir, I’m going to need you to take a breathalyzer test for me.”

Driver: “I’m sorry officer, I can’t do that.”

Police officer: “Why not, sir?”

Driver: “Because I have asthma and it will aggravate my condition.”

Police officer: “Okay sir, then I’m going to prick your finger and draw a drop of blood to test.”

Driver: “Oh I’m sorry officer, I won’t be able to do that either.”

Police officer: “What is the problem, sir?”

Driver: “Well you see, the thing is that I’m anemic.”

Police officer: “Okay sir, then I’m going to need to ask you to step out of the car and walk the line at the side of the road.”

Driver: “I’m sorry officer, but I can’t do that either.”

Police officer: “And why is that, sir?”

Driver: “Because I’m drunk.”

“““““

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It’s early in the morning, and Johnny, who’s ten years old, is telling his younger brother Freddie that he’s going to use a Bad Word that day. Freddie thinks this is most daring thing ever, and asks,

“Really??? That’s soooo cool! What word you gonna use? Huh?”

Johnny whispers “I’m going to say ‘God-damn’!”

Freddie is really impressed. “Wow! I wanna say a bad word too! I’m going to say… say… ASS!”

They are both really excited and are whispering and planning until their mother calls them down to breakfast. They can barely control their giggling when their mother sweetly asks,

“What would you like for breakfast, Johnny?”

And Johnny, with a conspiratorial look at his brother, says

“I’m gonna have… gonna have… gonna have some god-damn eggs!”

Their mother is stunned, then furious – “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!”, and grabs Johnny by the scruff of his neck, turns him over and spanks him until he’s sore and crying, and then sends him straight up to bed. Then, still furious, she turns to Freddie and demands,

“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man!?”

Freddie is utterly cowed and can barely speak he’s so scared, but finally manages to speak,

“I’m … I’m… I’m… not sure – but you can bet your ass I don’t want no god-damn eggs!”

“““““

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