A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic ! !

He really had a good time because the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off.

He read the manual but did not find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument. Some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or softer, but still without success.

Panicking, he called the supplier ‘ s Customer Service Hot Line.

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It’s fantastic. But how can I take it off the cow’s udder?”

Customer Service replied, “Don’t worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about two gallons of milk. “

Friendship between women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

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A christian missionary spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.

Outraged the chief confronts the missionary. Being the only white person his daughter had ever met, he accuses him of being the father and betraying his trust.

Calmly the missionary walks with the chief to the edge of the village where some sheep are grazing.

“Chief, there is always an explanation for everything. For example, you have over one hundred white sheep out there, but in the midst of them all is a single black lamb, and nobody even questions why. Now look at your situation and try to find understanding in your heart for this strange set of circumstances we now find ourselves in.”

After silently watching the flock of sheep for a few moments the chief replies to the missionary.

“Tell you what. You keep quiet about that little black lamb out there and I won’t say anything about the baby.”

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This penguin was driving cross country, when suddenly his car starts to smoke. he pulls into a small town and leaves his car with the local mechanic. The mechanic tells him it will be done in about 3 hours and he should go wander the town for a while. So the penguin wanders around, checking a few stores, and then getting ice cream. He checks his watch and realizes it had been 3 hours already. When he gets back, the mechanic tells him “Looks like you just blew a seal”. The penguin quickly wiped his beak, embarrassed and replied “No no, I swear it’s just ice cream!”

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