The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!’

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My wife and I had a huge argument.

She screamed at me to pack my bags and get the hell out

I was all packed up and about to get out the door when she said “I wish you a long and painful death, you bastard!”

“So, what? You want me to stay now?” I replied.

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The anthropology professor was well known for making sexist comments and jokes in class much to the dismay of the feminist female students. The women students got together outside class and decided that after the next sexist comment from the professor they would stand up and walk out of class in solidarity. The next day the professor, while lecturing on a certain African tribe, said: ” and you ladies will be glad to know that the average penis size of the tribesmen is 12 inches!” At that moment all the women in the class stood up and began filing out. The professor then said: “Wait! Wait ladies! The next flight to Nairobi doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning!”

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An old man walks into a confessional at a Catholic Church and says, ” I’m 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up 2 teenage girls hitchhiking, took them to a hotel, and made love to each of them 3 times.

Priest: “Are you sorry for your sins?”

Man: “What sins?”

Priest: “What kind of Catholic are you?”

Man: “I’m Jewish.”

Priest: “Then why are you telling me this?”

Man: “I’m telling everybody!”

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