People have asked me why I got divorced…. well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator from the 22nd floor to the lobby.

The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, “That looks like a cum stain.”

The brunette leans over and smells the stain. “Smells like a cum stain,” she says.

The blonde leans over and tastes the spot, then says, “Well, it’s nobody from this building!”

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A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.

MAN: “who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?”

GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

MAN: “oh… that’s terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat .. ..but these are expensive tickets; couldn’t you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?”

GUY: “No…they are all currently at her funeral!”

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A man is sitting in the bus at the bus stop with his head sticking out the window… Waiting for the bus to leave.. As the bus starts moving he sees a man running after it trying to catch it.. Knowing the man won’t be able to catch up he yells at the runner, “stop running so fast you’re gonna shit yourself…” The man running looks at him and bitterly says, “if only you knew who I am you’d shit yourself..” The man sitting in the bus, annoyed by this mans cockiness says, “fine, who are you?” The man running says, “I’m the bus driver.”

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