An Australian Man Comes to the US , and on his second day here he’s driving down the wrong side of the road and BAAAM!! he slams head on into another car. Both drivers get out and the Australian apologizes saying “Sawrry mate, I just came from Australia”. The American yells “What the hell man did you come here to die?”. The Australlian answers “No I came here yesterdie”.
^^^^^^
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
“““““
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Three Engineers are having an argument.
The first says: “God must be a mechanical engineer — just look at the joints in the human body.”
The second says: “God is an electrical engineer — just look at the nervous system.”
The third says: “God has to be a civil engineer — who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?”
“““““
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A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara on a camel. On the third day, the camel dies with little warning. As they dust themselves off, the nun and priest appraise their situation. After a long silence, the priest asks:
‘Well, sister, this looks to be pretty serious.’
‘I know, father. As a matter of fact, I don’t think it’s likely for us to survive more than a day or two.’
‘I agree’ affirms the priest. ‘Sister, since we likely won’t escape here alive, could you do something for me?’
‘Anything, father.’
‘I haven’t seen breasts and I was wondering if I could see yours.’
‘Well… under these circumstances, I don’t see anything bad in it…’
The nun undresses and the priests was content, commenting on their beauty:
‘Sister, do you mind if I touch them?’
She agrees, so the priest feels them up for several minutes.
‘Father, may I ask you something?’
‘Certainly!’
‘I haven’t seen a penis. Can I see yours?’
‘I think it would be alright’ responds the priest, lifting his robe.
‘Oh, father, can I touch it?’
The priest agrees and after a few minutes of fondling he finds himself with a pretty serious erection.
‘You know, sister, if I introduce my penis in the right place, it can give life.’
‘Is this true, father?!’
‘Yes, it is, sister.’
‘Oh, father, that’s wonderful! Then stick it in that camel so we can get the fuck out of here!’
——-
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