Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I aint’ givin’ him any of mine.”

Second Bull: “That pretty much says it for me, too. I’ve been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight ‘im till I run him off or kill ‘im, but I’m keeping all my cows.”

Third Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows.”

They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest baddest bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.

First Bull: “You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”

Second Bull: “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.

First Bull: “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.” Third Bull: “Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull!”

——-

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A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m staying in first class until we reach New York.”

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m staying in first class until we reach New York.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot said “No problem my wife is blonde I can handle this”

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the first class wasn’t going to New York. ”

“““““

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This guy brings his best friend home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30pm, after work.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.

“My frickin hair and makeup are not done, the house is a fucking mess, the dishes aren’t done. Can’t you see I’m still in my fucking pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight?! Why the fuck did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?”

“Because he’s thinking of getting married.”

——-

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“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“‘Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads!”

——-

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