A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

Later they get together and the priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister,”and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a hospital gurney in a full body cast.

“Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

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There is a trucker who hates lawyers so much he always runs them over with his truck whenever he sees one. One day he sees a priest hitchhiking and decides to give a ride to the holy man. As they go along the road, the trucker spots a lawyer by the side of the road and steers to run him over. At the last minute he remembers the priest in the truck and swerves away hoping to avoid judgment of his sins.

The trucker says “I’m sorry father, I don’t know what came over me!”

The priest replies, “Don’t worry, I got him with the door!”

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An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ‘Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a ‘Billy-Club’.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

‘Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy…. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times…………’

“““““

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Once upon a time, there were three bears: Mama Bear, Papa Bear, and Baby Bear.

Papa Bear and Mama Bear were getting a divorce. The court had to decide who Baby Bear should live with.

The judge asked Baby Bear, “Do you want to live with Mama Bear?”

“OH NO!” exclaimed Baby Bear. “Mama Bear beats me very badly.”

The judge, obviously surprised, responds, “Well, then, would you like to go and live with Papa Bear?”

“OH NO!” exclaimed Baby Bear again. “Papa Bear beats me even harder than Mama Bear.”

The judge then asks, “Baby Bear, who would you like to live with then?”

Baby Bear responds, “I want to go and live with the Chicago Bears. They don’t beat anyone.”

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