So a farmer walks into a bar and orders 15 shots. The bartender asks “why are you getting wasted on such a beautiful day” The farmer replies “Somethings you can’t explain.” The Bartender asks what happened and the farmer explains.

The farmer says “You see I was milking my cow Bessie and once I got a full bucket she kicked it over with her front right leg. So I tied it to a post. I then started to milk her and once I got a full bucket she kicks it with her hind right leg, so I tie that leg to a post. Again I start milking her and once I get a full bucket she kicks it over with her front left leg so I tie that to a post. I start milking her for the fourth time and once I get a full bucket she knocks it over with her last leg, so I tie it up too. I start milking her again and she knocks it over with her tail. I was out of rope so I had to tie her tail up with my belt, without my belt my pants fell down. At that moment my wife walked in. You see there are some things you just can’t explain”

“““““

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him.

And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

Tarzan not know sex he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.

Horrified Jane said,Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

Here she said, pointing to her privates,you must put it in here.

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed What did you do that for?

Tarzan replied, Check for squirrel.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

In the confession booth a man says: Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

“Go on” says the priest.

“I swore the other day” says the man.

“continue” says the priest.

“I was on the golf course the other day and i hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway”.

“and this is when you swore?” asked the priest.

“No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough” continued the man.

“this must have been when you swore?” the priest exclaimed.

“No father, not yet. As i was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it” continued the man.

“Ahhh I see” says the priest “this must have been the point where you swore”

“Nope not yet, as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed two feet from the hole”

The priest pauses for a few seconds “you missed the fucking putt didn’t you?”

——-

Confess online and feel better at Confez.com

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “‘Cuz you’re ugly.”

——-

Wiccan Dating at DatingWiccans.com