An Irish man, a Greek, and a Jew die and stand at the gates of heaven. The keeper of the gates tells them “Well, you have all lived pretty decent lives, but you all fall victim to your respective stereotypes. So here’s what’s going to happen. You all will go back down to earth for 24 hours and you must avoid your weaknesses. “Irishman, alcohol cannot touch your lips. “Jew, you cannot touch money. “And Greek, if you even think about having sex… “You go straight to hell.”

So they all find themselves back on earth. They go about their day just find, until they pass by a pub. The Irishman shakes and shakes. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” he cries. He runs into the bar and orders a beer. As soon as he takes his first sip, he disappears into a puff of smoke. The Jew and the Greek look at each other in disbelief. They leave the pub and walk a little bit. Then they spot a crisp $100 bill on the ground. The jew shakes and shakes. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” he cries. He runs over to the bill, bends over and they both go to hell.

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A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.

“It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.”

“Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed. I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”

“Go on then.” he smiled, handing me the bag.

After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.”

“What for?” I asked.

He said, “The drugs.”

I said, “What drugs?”

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A man stopped by to see his friend who recently broke both his legs. After about an hour of conversation, Mike asks, “Bill, would you mind running up stairs and grab my slippers for me? Stairs are a little difficult.” “Yea man. No problem.” As Bill is walking down the hallway upstairs he peeked through a door and sees Mike’s gorgeous twin 18 yo daughters. He opens the door and says, “Your dad sent me up to have sex with you two.” With the look if disbelief on their faces, he says, “Look, ill prove it to you”. He yells downstairs and says, “Hey Mike. Both of them?” Mike “Hell yea, both of them. What good is just one?!”

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3 Scots and 3 Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an Irishman. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers a Scot.

They all board the train. The Irishmen take their respective seats but all three Scots cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says,”Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money,and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed Irishman. Watch and you’ll see,” answers a Scot. When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scots leaves his bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Irishmen are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

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