Husband’s Message (by text):
“Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Gina brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!”
Wife’s Response: “Who’s Gina?”
An old man goes to his doctor.
Old man: Hey Doc, my wife’s hearing is becoming terrible, is there anything you can give me to help her out?
Doc: Well, how bad is it?
Old Man: We rarely talk any more, Doc, and I love her more than anything.
Doc: Try the distance test. When you get home, Call her name and if she doesn’t hear you, get closer and closer until she does. This will give me a good sense of how bad her hearing actually is.
Old Man: Okay, thanks Doc. See you soon.
So, the Old Man goes home, opens his front door and shouts “EDNA?! WHAT’S FOR DINNER?!”
Nothing.
He walks through his hall and once more shouts “EDNA?! WHAT’S FOR DINNER?!”
Nothing.
He walks to the door to his kitchen and sees his dearest wife over the oven cooking dinner. “EDNA?! WHAT’S FOR DINNER?!”
Nothing.
Frustrated, the Old Man walks right up to his wife and shouts in her ear “EDNA?! WHAT’S FOR DINNER?!”.
“FOR THE FOURTH TIME, CHICKEN!”
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boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
“That was a honey bee,” his father said,”one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without honey for a week.”
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it. “That was a butterfly,” his father said, “one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week.”
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, “Are you going to tell her or should I”?
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A woman was about to go into labor when the doctor revealed a revolutionary new device that could transfer some of the pain of childbirth to the father.
The woman’s husband, being the nice, loyal guy he is, decided to man up and take some of the pain for his wife. The doctor started at 20%. 20% of the pain was transferred, but the husband didn’t feel anything. He says, “crank it up, doc.” The setting goes up to 40%. The husband still doesn’t feel anything. He says, “I’m still okay. Crank it up, I’m sure I can handle it.” The perplexed doctor raises the setting to 60%. The husband, still completely unfazed, says, “Wow. This is 60%? I don’t know what she always complains about.” The doctor, now beginning to doubt the device, cranks it up to 100%. The woman delivers her child painlessly, and the husband still doesn’t feel anything.
The happy couple go home, where they are greeted by a neighbor. He says, “You wouldn’t believe what happened when you were gone! The mailman suddenly fell to the ground, screamed in increasing agony for 20 minutes, and died!”
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