In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.”

——-

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Father: You know son when Abe Lincoln was your age he walked 9 miles to school and did homework by candlelight.

Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President.

German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing. They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says “Please don’t kill me! Spare my life and I’ll grant you all a wish!”

The German throws the fish back and says “I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty”, and immediately a foaming mug of ice-cold German ale appears in his hand. He takes a long swig and when he puts it down, it’s still miraculously full! The Frenchman and Englishman are, of course, amazed.

“I wish,” said the Frenchman, “For a wall to be built around France, ten miles high and ten miles thick, so that nobody can get in and nobody can get out.”

The fish screws up its eyes in concentration for a moment then says. “Done! And what do you want?”

“Is there a wall around France?” asks the Englishman

“Yes.” replies the fish.

“Is it ten miles high and ten miles thick?”

“Yes.”

“And can nobody get in, and nobody get out?”

“Yes.”

“Well then,” says the Englishman, “I want you to fill it with water.”

“““““

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A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word “Timbuktu”. It’s a city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

“I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu … ”

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:

“When Tim and I to Brisbane went We met three ladies cheap to rent. But they were three and we were two, So I booked one and Tim Booked Two … ”

“““““

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