A man approached a very beautiful woman with large breasts in the large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.” “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
The woman looked puzzled. “Why talk to me?” she asked.
“Because every time I talk to a woman with big boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!”
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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I never seed nobody done it.’
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A blonde called her boyfriend and said, “Please come over here and help me… I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”
He took her hand and said, “Second, I’d want you to relax… Let’s have a nice cup of hot chocolate, and then…”
He sighed, “let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
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The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa…..
“What’s your name again?”
“Sandra.”
“Oh Sandra. I’m sorry my dear, I won’t forget it again. Sandra may I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you know the difference between sex and breakfast?”
“…Um, no.?”
“Would you like to have breakfast sometime?”
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