A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy. (self.Jokes)

submitted 19 hours ago by thebestofthebest13

The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”

The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”

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Superman is flying around, super horny. He’s flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, “Give it to me. Give it to me!” Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she’s begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So he does.

He flys down to the roof and, super fast, humps the hell out of Batgirl. He’s done in a few seconds and, wanting to avoid any confrontation, flys off just as fast. Batgirl is shocked. “What the hell was that?!?!” “I don’t know but it hurt like hell”, says the invisible man.

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Teacher: Can someone use the word Contagious in a sentence?

Student raises hand “I can” My dad said he saw my neighbour painting his house with a three-inch brush. Said its gonna take the cunt ages.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. From a distance a lion sees this and says with caution, “This guy looks edible! Never seen his kind before.”

The lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace, to which the dog notices and starts to panic. As he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea – He says loudly “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can”. Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.

The monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together”. They start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

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