A woman asked a Military General in the army the last time he made love to a woman..

The general stood tall and said “1956 ma’am.” The woman, taken back by this answer said “1955?!

That long?! Let me make your night better…” and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour.

The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said “well, you sure haven’t forgotten any thing since 1955…”.

The general looked at her confused and said “well I sure hope not. It’s only 2135 now!”

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Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives.

All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers.

After a few days they meet up for lunch and compared notes.

The engaged woman: “The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my life. I love you.’ Then we made love all night long.”

The mistress: “Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.”

The married woman: “I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.

As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said,

‘What’s for dinner, Batman?'”

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A magician was working on a cruise ship.

Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the Captain’s parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said “Okay, I give up. Where’s the fucking ship?”

——-

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A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period,” said the little boy. “Well, I can see that,” she said, ”but what is so exciting about a period?”

”I don’t know,” said the little boy, ”but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

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