So, I was at the doctor’s office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness.
But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer.
He looked at it, then turned to me and said “Great, some asshole’s got my pen.”
“IT’S A BOY” I shouted…
With tears rolling down my face, I shouted out loud:
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!”
It was at that moment I decided never to visit Thailand again.
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship. The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids.
The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
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“Excuse me” I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus.
“You have some semen on the back of your jacket.”
“I’m sure it’s not semen,” she said, “It’s probably yogurt.”
I replied to her “It’s definitely semen, I don’t ejaculate yogurt.”