3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes the French spy too gave all the info.

Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didn’t give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.

The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn’t speak.

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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

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A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, “How will I recognize him?”

“That’s easy; he’s a midget with a speech impediment.” So,the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he’s looking for a male or female horse.

“A female horth.”

So he shows him a prized filly. “Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth”?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse’s eyes the once over.

“Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?”

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse’s ears. “Nith earzth, can I see her mouf?” The rancher is gettin’ pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse’s mouth.

“Nice mouf, can I see her twat?”

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget’s head as far as he can up the horse’s twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. “Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?”

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A man travelled to the USA in hopes of bettering his life for him and his family. When he arrived he opened up a furniture shop and a lingere shop.

After 6 months he was doing very well and wrote to his wife:

Dear wife, Please pack up and come to me in the USA. I have sold 100 matresses and 5000 panties and have made $100,000 Love your husband

Upon receiving the letter his wife writes back:

Dear husband, Maybe it is better that you come back home. I have made $3,000,000 with 1 mattress and no panties. Love your wife
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