A blonde walks into a mechanic’s shop.
She is concerned because her car has a lot of miles and nobody wants to buy it from her.
The mechanic tells her that for a price, he can roll back the odometer.
After she agrees, he does just that, telling her she can now sell her car.
He blonde says, “why would I do that? It has lower mileage now!”
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, you name it. Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Easy William, we won’t be long . . . easy, boy.” Another outburst and she hears the grandpa calmly say, “It’s okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and Grandpa says again in a controlled voice, “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool, William.” Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
She says to the elderly man, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying ‘things would be okay.’ William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.”
“Thanks,” said the grandpa, “but I’m William. The little shit’s name is Kevin.”
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A Jewishfather was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. “I brought him up in the Jewish faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah, it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?”
“Funny you should come to me,” said the Rabbi. “Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the Jewish faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian.”
“What did you do?” asked the father.
“I turned to God for the answer” replied the Rabbi.
“And what did he say?” pressed the father.
“God said, ‘Funny you should come to me…’ ”
“““““
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A C-130 is being escorted by two F-16s.
Tired from following the slow-moving plane, one of the F-16 pilots tells his partner, “Hey watch what I can do.” With that, he leaves the C-130’s side and performs a series of barrel rolls.
“That’s nothing” says the second F-16 pilot and he also leaves his spot and does even more spectacular tricks. The two F-16s continue showing off. When they finally fall back into place the C-130 pilot comes on the mike.
“I bet I can do something you can’t” he says.
“Yeah, right, prove it” says one of the F-16 pilots.
“Watch this,” says the C-130 pilot and continues flying in a straight line. After a few minutes, the F-16 pilot comes back on the mic and says
“We didn’t see anything, you liar”
“You’re the liar” the C-130 pilot says, “I went to the bathroom for a smoke break and a dump”
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