An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’ The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’ ‘Do you mean a rose?’ ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him… She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room…. Why are you down here at this time of night!?

The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.” She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,” he said solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do” she replies. The husband pauses……. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?” “Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly… He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, I would have gotten out today.

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A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know. One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.

Suddenly the girl’s grandma came by and saw her.

“Why are you standing in line, dear?” she asked.

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.

“Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I’ll get some for myself,” said the grandma.

A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.

When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? ” Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!”

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A wife comes home and finds her husband in bed with a young woman. As she is reaching for the phone to call her lawyer, he says to his wife, “Wait a minute! I can explain everything!

“I was at the mall and I saw this young lady sitting with a sign saying ‘Will work for food’, and you know the yard has needed a good clean-up, so I told her if she was willing to come and clean it I would gladly feed her as much as she could eat. Well, when she said she would work for food, she was telling nothing but God’s honest truth, and you can see for yourself, the yard’s cleaner than we’ve ever seen it.

“After an effort like that, three or four bowls of stew didn’t seem like enough, and I noticed she’d gotten her clothes filthy, so I thought I’d have a look through the wardrobe and see what we could give her.

“There was that outdoor work shirt that you bought, only then it went out of style the next week and so you never even got it out of the packaging.
“You had a couple of pairs of jeans that you tried once and complained they made your ass look fat, so I thought you wouldn’t mind.

“You had some hiking socks and boots that you bought five years ago when you were all about the hiking you were going to do, and then you never went, and I figured if you were going to try it at last you’d probably want new stuff anyway.

“There was some underwear that your sister sent you as a present, only you’ve vowed never to speak to her again and they’ve not seen daylight since you unwrapped them.

“This girl here was delighted with all this stuff, and she tried it all on, and then she said ‘Have you got anything else that your wife doesn’t want any more?’
“…and, well, here we are.”

“““““

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