There is this African-American kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the kids of color.

So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. “Hey dad look i’m white!”

His dad kicks his ass, and says “Alright go show your mother.”

The kid goes “Hey mom look i’m white!”

His mom beats the shit out of him then tells him to go show his grandma.

The kid again goes “Hey grandma look i’m white”, she beats his ass and sends him to his room.

About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says “Have you learned anything from this?”

The kid says “Yeah I’ve learned that I’ve only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 black people.”

“““““

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Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Dugly, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Dugly and says, “You know, I’m tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes.” Dugly thinks it’s a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Bubba says. “What’s that?”

The dean says, “I’ll show you. Do you own a weedeater?”

“Yeah.”

“Then logically speaking, because you own a weedeater, I think that you would have a yard.”

“That’s true, I do have a yard.”

“I’m not done,” the dean says. “Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.”

“Yes, I do have a house.”

“And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.”

“I have a family.”

“I’m not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.”

“Yes, I do have a wife.”

“And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.”

“I am a heterosexual. That’s amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weedeater!”

Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean’s hand and leaves to go meet Dugly at the bar. He tells Dugly about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. “Logic?” Dugly says, “What’s that?”

Bubba says, “I’ll show you. Do you have a weedeater?”

“No.”

“Then you’re fucking gay.”

——-

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A King enrolled his donkey in a race & won

Local papers read:

“King’s ass won”

The king was so upset with this kind of publicity. So he gave the donkey to the queen.

The local papers then read:

“Queen has the best ass in town”

The king & queen were both upset..

Queen then sold the donkey to a farmer for 100$. Next day papers read:

“Queen sold her ass for 100$”

The queen didn’t know what to do..

The next day king ordered the queen to buy back the donkey and leave it in jungle.

The paper’s finally read:

“Queen announces her ass is free & wild”

——-

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Jim was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Jim, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Jim and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,

“Jim! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”

Although impressed, Jim’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Jim that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else,” Jim says.

“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yup,” Jim says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.

At the White House, Obama spots Jim on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Jim, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Jim, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Jim. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Jim and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Jim says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Jim emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Jim returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss’ side, Jim asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Jim?’

——-

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