A guy buys a new pair of mirror like shiny silver metallic shoes and is so happy he goes dancing at the club. To impress the women he bets them that he can tell em their favorite color.

As he is dancing with the first woman, he astonishes her when he tells her that her favorite color is blue.

He dances with the 2nd woman and surprises her by telling her that her favorite color is red.

When he gets to the 3rd woman, he seems a bit perplexed as he’s stares down at his shoes. He looks up and asks her if she is wearing any panties and she says “No, why?” and he says….”Oh good, I thought I had a crack in my new shoes.”

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A husband and wife were grocery shopping when the husband picked up a case of Budweiser and placed it in the cart. “What do you think you’re doing?” asked the wife.

“It’s on sale. Only $10 for a case,” he replies.

“We can’t afford it. Put it back,” demands the wife. They continue shopping and a few minutes later the wife puts a $20 jar of face cream into the cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

“So does the Budweiser and it’s half the price,” retorts the husband.

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One day this big, nasty, sweaty woman wearing a raggedy sleeveless sundress walks into a bar.
She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy sweaty armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”

The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore her.

At the end of the bar, a skinny little piss head slams his hand on the bar and says, “Barman, I want to buy that ballerina a drink.”

The barman pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.

After she’s completed the drink, she turns again to the throng and points around at all of them, again revealing the sweaty hairy armpit, saying, “What man out there will buy a lady a drink?”

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and slurs to the barman, “Sir, I would like to buy the ballerina another drink.”

After serving the lady her second drink, the barman approaches the little drunkard and says, “It’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?”

To which, the drunk replies, “Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina.”

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Armpit Dating at ArmpitDating.com is where you go to meet people men and women that love the odor or armpits!

Johnny

submitted 14 hours ago by vinnygny817

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

“That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

“That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

“That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”

When the teacher turns her back Johnny yells in frustration, “I wish those dumb bitches would keep their f*%$#@ mouths shut!”

The teacher quickly turns around and she is livid and asks: “WHO SAID THAT?!”

Johnny replies: “Harvey Weinstein, Bill Clinton, and Matt Lauer. I’ll see you tomorrow”

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