A horse is bored, so he’s sitting at home watching MTV. This was back when MTV played music videos. So, he’s watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says “that looks amazing, I want to do that!”

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play guitar.” Says the horse.

“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”

“There’s just one problem,” says the horse. “I’m a horse.”

“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

“Hey Chicken, come over!” he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it’s pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says “hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that.”

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play the drums.” Says the chicken.

“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”

“There’s just one problem,” says the chicken. “I’m a chicken.”

“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something’s missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they’ve been up to. Cow thinks it’s pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. “Hi, I’d like to learn to play bass guitar.” Says the cow.

“Sure,” says the man on the phone. “Just come to your lesson and we’ll get you started.”

“There’s just one problem,” says the cow. “I’m a cow.”

“Not to worry,” the man says. “We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You’ll be playing like a pro in no time.”

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they’re practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says “hey, you guys are pretty good! I’m from a record label, I’d like to sign you!”

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she’s all good, it’s just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he’s out of a job and he’s stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he’ll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “why the long face?”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

This guy is having an affair with a married house wife and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in.

He asks, ”What the hell are you doing?”

Thinking quickly, the housewife says, ”Uhm…waiting for you.”

The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ”But you’re naked.”

Again the wife says, ”Yeah… I was waiting for you.”

The husband relaxes and says, ”Hold on, I’m going to jump in the shower. I’ll be back in a flash!”

The house wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping.

The husband asks,” What in the hell are you doing?”

He replied, ”I’m the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.”

The husband looks him over and says,”But you’re naked.”

The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ”Them little bastards.”

“““““

House Wife Dating at DatingWild.com is where you go to meet lonely housewives needed attention.

A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in.

“Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”

The wife, startled at her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”

The wife runs to the fri-

“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”

The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A man’s wife disappears and he’s accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client’s wife actually alive, but she’ll walk through that door in ten seconds.”

An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but nothing happens.

“Think about that,” the lawyer says. “The fact that you were watching the door, expecting to see the missing woman, proves that you have a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.”

He sits down confidently, and the judge sends the jury off to deliberate. They return in ten minutes and declare the man guilty.

“Guilty?” says the lawyer. “How can that be? You were all watching the door!”

“Most of us were watching the door,” says the foreman. “But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn’t watching the door.”
——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com