A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

“Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?”

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, “361.” The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.

“Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?”

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An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad:
Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his letter from his dad:

My dear loving son,

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love, your Dad

——-

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A man noticed his credit card has been stolen – but he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.“

My wife has this really weird fetish where she likes to dress up as herself and act like a total bitch.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose; last night she used me to time an egg. ~Rodney Dangerfield

My wife told me today that I’m gonna become a father for the very first time; the bad news is – we already have two kids. ~Brian Kiley

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Wife to her husband while at it: “Please say dirty things to me!”, Husband: “Bath, Kitchen, Living room…”

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.

Honey, do you think I gained weight?….No, I think the living room got smaller.

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On his 72nd birthday, an elderly man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation that was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, ‘This is powerful medicine. It must be respected. You take only teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’ When you do that, you will become manlier than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.” The old man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?” “Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” he responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until next full moon.”

The old man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!”

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.

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