A man goes on a date with a hot Chinese chick and crashes at her house, when her dad, Li Jie, says: “You can stay here for the night. Just one condition: don’t sleep with my virgin daughter or I will give you the 3 worst forms of Chinese torture”.

The man agrees, but he ends up sleeping with her anyway.

he wakes up to a large rock on his chest with a post it note on it saying “Chinese torture 1: large rock on chest.”

The man laughs and throws the rock out the window, when he hears a rope slipping and sees a sign at the other end of the room saying “Chinese torture 2: left testicle tied to rock”

The man sees the rope is about to become taut, and decides a few broken bones is better than castration. So he jumps out the window.

As he’s falling, he sees a sign on the ground:

“Chinese torture 3: right testicle tied to bedpost”

“““““

Gay Chinese Dating at GayAsianMatch.com is where you go to meet a Gay Chinese man.

A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window.

He rolled down the window and asked the officer: “Why is there such a traffic jam?”

Officer: “A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don’t get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I’m going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you’d please help.”

Man: “Ok. How much are other people giving?”

Officer: “On average, about two gallons.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space. Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training, he was ready for his first mission. The cat was to embark on a journey to Saturn’s moon, Titan, to discover if life would be sustainable…

The rocket prepares for take off.

5…

.

4…

.

3…

.

2…

.

1…

.

BLAST OFF!!

.

UP

.

UP

.

Up

.

up

.

up

.

up

.

up

.

…and POW the cat bursts through Earth’s atmosphere and begins his journey as the first feline in outer space.

A few weeks go by, and after a while the cat starts to get bored. He spots a red planet nearby, and although he tries to resist the temptation, he sets the shuttle on a new course. Before Houston could stop him, he lands on Mars.

Houston sends a probe to investigate what the hell the cat was up to and why he decided to venture so far off course.

The probe gets to Mars and finds tracks, which lead it to an area of wreckage and signs of a fight.

The cat is dead, flat as a pancake on the ground and a robot, once sent to explore Mars, had cat remains trodden into its tracks.

It was clear… Curiosity killed the cat.

“““““

Loco Domains has .site Domains names for only $2.99, .online for only $4.99, .com only $8.99.

A flight is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in economy gets up, moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here”.

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she is a blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde”.

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry” and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

I told her, “First class isn’t going to Melbourne.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com