Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don’t understand.

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn’t understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and said, “You know, maybe we should learn a second language.”

“Why would you want to do that?” replied the other guy.

“It would help out in situations like the one we just had.”

“What good would knowing a second language be? That guy knew 4 and it didn’t help him any.”

“““““

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Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in. He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he gave her a large sum of money and told her to go back to Italy to secretly have the child.

He said that if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Honey!,’ she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’ ‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

One with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

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Their was a goat farmer named Dugly and his wife and one day the wife went to feed the goats.

Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death.

During her funeral the farmer’s brother Jacob came from another town.

His brother Jacob was amazed how many people showed up to the funeral said “Dugly look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife. You and her must be beloved in the area.”

In tears Dugly says ” they are not here for the funeral they are here hoping to buy the goat”.

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A man talks to a lawyer and says “My wife wants to divorce me.”

“On what grounds?” The lawyer asks.

“On any ground where she can get a judge to okay it.” The man responded.

The lawyer tries again with “I mean does she have any ground for the divorce?”

“Yeah she owns half of our two acres. Think we can take her land from her?” The man replies.

The lawyer decides to try rephrasing the question as “I mean is there a grudge?”

“No. We don’t have anything fancy like that. We just park in the driveway.” The man replied.

“She wants the divorce? I mean do you beat her up or something?” The lawyer tried again.

“Oh, no. She gets up about a half an hour earlier than me. I’m a heavy sleeper so there aint no chance I will ever beat her up.”

The lawyer finally asks “Okay, why do you think she wants a divorce?”

To which the man replies with “She says I never understand what she’s talking about.”

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