A lawyer was walking down the street when he spotted a woman with spectacular big boobs. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite her huge breasts. “No way!” She exclaimed.

“What about for $1000?” He persisted “No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?”

“You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked. The woman was astounded. “You’ll pay me $10,000 if I let you bite my boobs?” “That’s correct.”

“Okay let’s go over to that alley.” Once in the alley she took off her blouse and the lawyer felt her breasts, kissed them, and sucked them. She was beginning to get impatient. “Are you gonna bite my tits or what?” she snapped. “No,” he said “too expensive”

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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars.

The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.”

“Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?”

The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”

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A kid gets on the bus and sits right behind the driver every day. After getting seated the child would play a game. He would always think of a new animal and say “if my mommy was a shark and my daddy was a shark, I would be a little shark” “If my mommy was a lizard and my daddy was a lizard, i would be a little lizard!”

He would keep going until he departed the bus, much to the drivers annoyance. The next day the kid sits on the bus and sat right behind the driver and started again.

“If my mommy was a giraffe and my daddy was a giraffe, i would be a little giraffe!” “If my mommy was a piggy and my daddy was a piggy i would be a little piggy!” The bus driver had just about had enough but decided to not say anything this day.

The next day the boy gets on the bus and sits behind the driver and starts again.

“If my mommy was a goose and my daddy was a goose, i would be a little goose!” “If my mommy was a lion and my daddy was a lion i would be a little lion!”

The bus driver finally looses it and stops the bus. He turns around to the child and shouts “WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE AND YOUR FATHER WAS A DRUNK?”

The kid smiles at him and says “then I’d be a bus driver.”

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Three men at a class about etiquette are asked how they would tell a woman on a first date that they need to use the bathroom.

The first one shrugs. “Easy. I just tell her: Sorry, but I gotta go to the toilet.” The teacher shakes his head disapprovingly. “No, no, way too blunt.”

The second one goes: “Well, everyone has to go sometimes and it’s time for me.” “Not too bad”, the teacher admits, “but still not quiet good.”

The third man thinks for a while and then says: “Excuse me, my dear, I just have to go and shake an old friends hand. You will make his acquaintance later tonight.”

“““““

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